Yours, Future Self.

"I don't know where to begin. 

Can I ever understand me? There are people who like me. There are people who pretend to like me. Then there are people, who don't even pretend. I don't know whom I should call friends. Everyone seems to backstab. 

Maybe there is a different type of friendship I look for than what people already follow.
Maybe it's something more than a friendship. Not a relationship or a platonic friendship. Just something I can hold on to.

You think that being alone is alright. You think being alone makes you strong. Trust me, it might show you as an independent person but deep down you know, there's going to be no one to wish you your birthday at midnight, there's going to be no one who will wait for you while you tie your laces, there's going to be no one you would want to tell your best and worst days about. You know this and yet you want things to change.

I don't know how to say this, but I feel like I am not good enough to deserve significance. I don't know who to talk to about this, I don't know what to do about this, I don't know. I just...don't know.

Do I really not deserve serendipity?"


A drop of tear, stained the paper as I closed the diary I wrote when I was fifteen. So many emotions were flowing at a time that it almost made me feel numb. I wish I could meet my younger self. If I could, I want to tell her that,

"You deserve every single piece of happiness in this world. Good things take time. Give the universe some more time. You are a good soul and you are well deserved. Everything is going to be alright. Therefore, little one, don't give up yet. You are going to make the best and the most special friends of all time.

There's so much in this world for you to see, feel and be at. There is going to be a tomorrow where you will thank yourself for holding on even when it felt like the effort of holding on was destroying your self-worth.

I know this might be tiring for you now but trust the process. Everything happens for a reason. There might be a starless night, but never a sunless sky. I see you. I see how strong you are going to be. Trust is all you need. Your worth is much more precious than you think.

Right now you're at a stage of life where everything seems like a failure. School, relations, grades, emotions, feelings, everything. It will feel like you're lost in a deep dark forest. It will feel hopeless. And you might want to give up. It will tire you out but think of it not as a struggle but as a journey. Imagine inspiring people with this journey of yours and where it led to you today, what kind of person it has made you, and how proud you are of yourself in the future.

This might seem like a small letter, but I hope this helps. I really wish I could tell you all this in the past. Where you're struggling. Nobody told you that you deserve the world. But do not let that define you. Your character is what latches on to your name. I wish someone told you all this back then. God is writing a special masterpiece for you. It will take time, and it is alright. 

All the people you meet, you let go, or they let go of you have two reasons behind them. Growth and toxicity. Give yourself time to heal. Today's you does not interpret tomorrow's you.

So, hold on. Don't give up. Everything is going to be okay. You will meet your serendipity very soon."

Yours,

Future self.

To every little one who needs to hear words that heal, here is something I have for you.